When
I was in High School, I wrote this in my book of life "I'll let my parents to decide on the course that I will take. I will obey them because I know that
they know what's better than me" This begun the journey of being an Education
student. As a student I really thought that I am meant to be a teacher and that it
is the right profession for me. All of those thoughts of being a teacher
contradict to how I feel right now and even for the past year of teaching. I am
so thankful to Daddy God that I have a work actually the right term is
"WAS THANKFUL". Its not that I don't thank Him but I am not happy
with it eh. All I thought that the "love that I feel for children" is
enough for me to be a teacher. I want to be with children but not my patience. I feel
that I am not doing my work as a teacher properly; and I feel so angry to
myself for that. I am not being productive and it seems that I am not doing my
purpose as a teacher. I do not teach the students well probably because my
heart is not in teaching. There is a heavy feeling whenever I teach these
students. I'm just telling myself that this is WORK and I've got to do
properly. But no matter how I strive to do it properly, flaws still pop up. I'm
just showing a fake smile to my cute students and I feel so sad about it, because they
don't deserve a fake smile. No matter how I tell to myself to LOVE this work, I
can't do it. Especially now in that new school.
I transferred to this school because I resigned from the other one. and The reason why I resigned is, because of this biggest or highest dream in my life to become a doctor. But unfortunately the fate didn't allow me to achieve it. Hence, I don't have a choice but to work as a teacher. I was glad that I resigned from that school because I was not happy in it. However as the year pass by I became quite happy because of the people who became good friends and my lovable students. I am currently teaching in a preparatory school, teaching 2 levels, nursery and kinder. At first I had this interview, they told me that I am going to handle those 2 levels, and the schedule. They also mentioned that the salary is not that high. I was so stupid that I accepted it. I was so stupid to think that it is not that low. But oh my! I cannot accept this reality that my monthly salary is same as my 15th day salary in the former school. I told daddy God that, Lord you know that I have plans to help my family, to earn money to help myself to achieve my dream of becoming a doctor; but I made a wrong decision and I wanna make it right. I wanna go from that school. But I can't because I'll be a jobless if I do that. I know that its a money thing but hello I am already a licensed teacher and yet my salary is lower than my salary in my first year of teaching? Lower than the lowest salary that my classmate earned every month last year. Oh Lord please help me to get out from this situation. I really pity and I am mad at myself for being so stupid. I wish I took the opportunity in Jocson instead of this. I know that as the day pass by I’ll be happy as I became happy in the other school; but I really cannot accept this fact about salary and I am so ashamed of it.
